Need to Breathe. The name of one of my favorite Christian crossover bands. And the reality of my past month.
In the days of 2014, I’ve been overwhelmed with snow days, cold weather, a lack of running due to our horrible Midwest winter. I started to feel myself shut down. Close up emotionally. And just go through the motions.
I was looking forward to a Mexican getaway vacation with my Farmer. We were given a free trip to Playa de Carmen. My Farmer and I needed some grownup time. Not that we wanted to leave the kids, but sometimes you have to getaway to appreciate your spouse. So I started counting the days until sand and sunshine.
And then we had some issues on the farm that required my Farmer to stay home. And our Mexico trip was cancelled. I get it. The farm always comes first. But I was disappointed.
Thanks to my mother-in-law, who decided she was still coming to see the kids and wanted to stay for a few days, I decided to head out and do some winery visits and other things related to my off-farm job. When trying to figure out some hotel accommodations, I decided to head up into the hills.
While enjoying some great treats with a great friend, I got a text message from my Farmer. Someone close to our family had passed away. I honestly gasped out loud. I had no idea this person was sick. Another person in our farm community is gone. And I just felt shock and numbness.
So my day has been spent up in the hills, staring at the trees. Because I’m shocked. I intended to blog, edit pictures and map out a writing plan for the next few months. But it didn’t get done as I wanted. I did decide I don’t want to grow up. My friends parents are passing away. This is the second funeral for a friends parent we will go to in the last three weeks. I dread knowing my parents won’t be here forever. Or my grandparents. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends.
I carry a very strong faith that there is a Heaven. My church upbringing taught me early that baptized believers will spend eternity in Heaven. I hold strong to that truth. Others may make fun of me for that, or think I’m too simple with my beliefs. I don’t care. I won’t every apologize for my beliefs.
In the meantime, I’m trying to breathe. When I need to catch my breath, I know I can head to the hills. Because I need to breath.